Sunday, May 31, 2015

10 things not to say to a music critic

Here are 10 things not to say if you spot a music critic, scribbling notes, near you in a concert.

1. "Do you have to keep on writing during the music? It's very annoying - please stop."

2. "Oh, I see - you're a critic? Wow! What a privilege to meet you. What do you think of the concert?"

3. "Oh, really? I'm amazed. I thought it was sublime. But what do I know?"

4. "Who's the best pianist around, then?"

5. "But you must know - you're a master, you hear them all!"

6. "Where can I read you?...Oh dear. I never read them. Ha ha."

7. "So, do you play the piano yourself? ....Really? Why not? ...Oh. So how come you get to review a piano recital?"

8. "How do you become a critic? You have to study music for years and years, right?"

9. "Goodness. That is very surprising."

10. "Here's my email address. Please write to me. Please. Please. When you have a moment. Just put down the best pianists to hear, the best orchestras in town...please..."

11. Well, come and hear a symphony by XYZ with me - I'll convince you to like him!